Friday Finds: Brene Brown TED Talk, “The Power of Vulnerability”

Leave a comment August 14, 2015 Maria

Happy Friday, dear readers!  As another week of summer comes to a close and we get closer to the beginning of a new school year, holidays, etc., I wanted to share a link to an amazing TED talk given by researcher, speaker and author, Brene Brown.

Brene Brown primarily focuses on human connection and all that is related to our desires for and fears of losing this connection.  In particular, she studies shame and vulnerability.  Shame, she says, is “the fear of disconnection.”  It is our fear that if we are not _________ enough (fill in the blank…rich, skinny, smart, etc.), those that we love and care for will sever their connection with us.

Vulnerability is, “the courage to be imperfect.”  Brown’s decade plus of research has discovered that individuals that have the courage to be vulnerable, that is, totally open about their imperfections, do so because despite their shortcomings, believe they’re worthy of love and belonging.  It is this belief that enables them to live joyfully.  Embracing our imperfections and being open about them – being totally vulnerable – is the key to authentic, “whole-hearted living” as she describes it.

This talk resonated with me on many levels, but in particular, it made me think about my parenting.  I try so hard to be a perfect mom, and yet know I have many imperfections.  I raise my voice sometimes, I lose my patience, I’m distracted when my kids are talking to me, etc., etc. That said, I am also honest with my kids about my shortcomings and I apologize frequently.  I also still sing the Laurie Berkner song from my kids’ toddler years called, “I’m Not Perfect,” to them (which makes them cringe!).  But, all of these shortcoming do not mean I’m not worthy of my kids’ love and adoration.  They don’t mean I’m not a good mom or loving parent.  Our shortcomings as parents don’t make us terrible people.  They simply make us human and fallible, and that’s a beautiful thing.

As the school year approaches, don’t aim for perfect parenting — because quite frankly, it’s not possible.  Instead, aim for greater acceptance of your vulnerabilities, aim for cultivating more patience and compassion for your vulnerabilities, and aim for gratitude for this journey of parenting that challenges us in a way nothing else ever has or ever will.  Aim for loving yourself and your kids even more than you thought possible.

Here’s to a great new school year…

As promised, here’s the Brene Brown TED Talk:  “The Power of Vulnerability”

~Maria

P.S. I will be OFF next week, as I’m taking my kids to “Family Camp” for one last hurrah before school starts.  I’m looking forward to no work, electronics or phones!  See you the following week!

Back-to-School Series: Creating a Family Command Center

1 Comment August 12, 2015 Maria

Happy Wednesday, everyone!  I hope you have all been doing well and enjoying this week’s cooler weather.  Fall is definitely in the air, and I for one am so excited!  Fall is my favorite season for many reasons, including the beginning of school and a return to routines and structured schedules for my kids.

As my kids have gotten older, the number of commitments we have as a family have also increased.  Birthday parties, soccer games, Nutcracker rehearsals, riding lessons, etc. seem to multiply with each passing year.  Keeping track of all of these obligations can be really challenging and even stressful.  How many times do you get asked, “When is my recital?” or, “When is my project due?”  Who can keep track of all these things in their head?  If you can, please share your secrets here!  I have trouble remembering where I parked, much less remembering everyone’s schedules and appointments!

The Family Command Center

A great way to manage all of your family’s scheduling obligations, keep track of the week ahead and not be constantly asked about such things is to create a “Family Command Center.”  What’s this you ask?  Quite simply, it’s a place in your home where every member in your family – big or small – can reference to find out what’s going on.  This can be as simple as a large wall calendar with a board where items can be posted and referenced.  It can also be more elaborate, but the essentials include:

• A family calendar
• Printed schedules for both parents and kids
• Important notes
• “Week at a Glance” area

Extras might include:

• “What’s for dinner?” area
• “To Do” list
• Inspirational quotes
• Anything else that keeps your family sane!

Keep it as simple as possible because you don’t want to clutter the important stuff or make it difficult to clearly see the essentials.  Here are some examples…

This Family Command Center has a weekly “To Do” list, an area for posting important notes, a mail sorter, inspirational quotes and a place for everyone to store essentials upon arrival, like backpacks and jackets. SOURCE: http://www.thehomesihavemade.com

Easy and simple Command Center: inspirational quotes, calendar, and a sorter for items. SOURCE: http://www.howtonestforless.com

This Family Command Center works hard! SOURCE: oncreativehousewife.com

This one is my favorite because it’s functional and beautiful.  I love the accents of decor and inspirational quotes.

Location, Location, Location…

What’s important to consider is the location of where you’ll create this center for your family.  Ideally, the Family Command Center is in a highly visible place where every member, short or tall, can interact with it.  And, this is a place that is “alive” — that is, it’s constantly being updated and referenced.  No more asking mom or dad, “When is my soccer game?” or, “When are you going out of town for that work trip.”  It’s all here, and kids are empowered to reference and add to it.

Finally, I think the best way to make this station work hard is to meet as a family every Sunday and discuss the upcoming week’s schedules and obligations.  Take 15 – 30 minutes and discuss goals, appointments, meals, etc.  These 15 minutes can radically change the way in which your family launches into their week.  At the very least, you feel much more informed and at the very best, it becomes a weekly bonding family ritual.  (I feel another post coming on!)

I’m currently working on our Family Command Center and will share what I come up with in the weeks ahead!  We’ve had something in the past, but not nearly as powerful as what I’ve described here.

I hope I’ve inspired you to consider this as an option for your family.  Want more ideas?  Check out Bring Home Order on Pinterest, where I’ve created a board called, “Family Hub Center.”  Finally, if you already do this, please share your images with us and tell us how you’ve used your Command Center.

Enjoy!  ~Maria

Friday Finds: “Design Mom”

2 Comments August 7, 2015 Maria

Happy Friday, everyone!  Today, I’m excited to share a book and blog that I recently discovered called, “Design Mom.”  Both are authored by Gabrielle Stanley Blair, mother of SIX children.  (Nope – that’s not a typo!)  I heard Gabrielle interviewed on a podcast and I was immediately intrigued with her commentary and reflections on designing a home with children.  The premise of her book and blog is that creating a home with children can be both beautiful and functional, and that we don’t have to give up design aesthetics when curating a family home.  Can I just say, “Amen?!”

Her new book, Design Mom – How to Live with Kids: A Room-by-Room Guide is filled with amazing photography illustrating how she and others have created homes that belong to both the children and adults living in them.  Here are some samples…

Source: Design Mom blog

Source: Design Mom blog

Source: Design Mom blog
(Can I just covet this entry way?!)

Source: Design Mom blog

Gabrielle has lived in 9 homes all over the world with children so she knows a little (ok, a lot!) about her subject.  It was gratifying to see many of the strategies and approaches I’ve been using and sharing with all of you in her book.  Some big take aways about creating a home with children were the following:

1. Have a big “work” table at home where you and your kids can work on projects, do homework and just create.  For most, this is the kitchen table, but for others it might be the living room coffee table or a separate craft room (if you have ample space).  It doesn’t really matter where it is, as long as it exists.  A large table that accommodates your entire family and lets your kids “sprawl” and “imagine” are what really matter.  Here’s my answer to corralling craft and homework supplies so that our kitchen table can be quickly cleaned up for dinner:
   

   Take and Create: A mobile art caddy that can be moved to different work spaces.

2. A “Family Calendar” is essential for survival.  Have one that is centrally located and available/accessible to even the tiniest members of your family.  For most families, the best location is the kitchen, but it can also be posted in a mudroom or entryway.  My supplement to this is to have Sunday night family meetings to review the upcoming week.  I think this is a powerful ritual for families, and launches both parents and children into the week feeling informed and empowered. (Look for a future post on this soon!)
   

   Family Command Center – Source: iheartorganizing blog

3. “Your walls should tell your family’s story.”  I LOVE this and feel so passionate about the walls of a home narrating the story of the individuals that occupy it.  Gabrielle advocates for displaying children’s artwork, family photos, memorabilia, maps and quotes.  One of my favorite features in our home is the photo wall we created on our stairwell:
   

   “Let your walls tell your family’s story.” ~Gabrielle Stanley Blair

   Check out the book and the blog.  This is a wonderful resource for all families – particularly those designing homes with children.

   

   Design Mom – How to Live With Kids: A Room-by-Room Guide
   By Gabrielle Stanley Blair

   Happy reading!  ~Maria

Back-to-School Series: Fostering Independence in Our Children

Leave a comment July 29, 2015 Maria

Yesterday, I visited with my oldest friend from childhood.  It was wonderful in many ways, but I especially loved spending time with her two-year-old daughter, Gwyneth.  Although totally adorable with striking blue eyes and blonde curls, what struck me most about this little girl is her fierce independence.

For example, when all of the “big-kids” loaded themselves into the car to head to the pool, I tried to help Gwyn climb in and she actually pushed me away!  Then, when I attempted to buckle her carseat (a tricky 5-point harness device) she glared at me with an expression that read, “How dare you think I can’t do this myself!”  I watched in amazement as she swiftly clicked all the buckles together.  I don’t remember my kids being able do this until they were around four, but then again, I didn’t even let them try.  I always did it myself because it was faster.  Sound familiar?

This morning my 10-year-old daughter announced she was going to make an “egg pizza.”  I instinctively responded, “I’ll make it for you.”  “I can do it myself, Mom,” she said with firmness.  My other daughter chimed in, “I will get the fruit ready.”  Here again was another situation of children wanting to express their independence and demonstrate their capabilities.  The only thing holding them back was my inability to let them try.  Again, sound familiar?

What I’m learning as my children grow older is that when we constantly do things for them instead of letting them try to do it themselves, we rob them of the opportunity to take pride in their abilities.  We rob them of an independence which they want to foster in themselves.  Gwyneth is all of two years old and is adamant that she can, and will, take care of herself.  She knows when to ask for help, but otherwise, her message to the world is, “I’ve got this.”

As the school year begins, consider what chores you might delegate to your children. Actually, let me rephrase that: think about what opportunities you might extend to them.  Maybe they can start making their own lunches, doing their own laundry or even the family’s laundry. Give them the chance to discover more of their capabilities.  When we grow and learn new skills, we meet a new version of ourselves – a version that’s always been there, but needed the right conditions to emerge.

I am certainly reconsidering what and how much my kids can do independently.  I know they can do more, and that they want to do more.  It’s up to me and my husband to hand over the reigns.

Thank you, dear Gwyneth for reminding me of this lesson.  You are amazing and I can’t wait to see what you do as you grow older…

~Maria

 

Getting Organized for Back-to-School SERIES

Leave a comment July 27, 2015 Maria

As July comes to an end, I’m turning my attention to back-to-school readiness.  I think it’s important to start thinking about this a few weeks before school actually begins so that families and kids are ready to hit the ground running once school starts.  Over the next two weeks, I will be providing inspiration, ideas and strategies for getting your family and home ready for the new school year.  I’ll cover topics such as morning/evening routines, creating a family “hub-center,” how to effectively manage calendars, meal planning and other topics I hope will help make the transition back to the classroom an easy one.  If you have topics you’re interested in, please leave a comment and I’ll do my best to address them.

Setting Goals for the New School Year

There is an abundance of research which indicates that people who create goals and then develop plans for attaining those goals are significantly more likely to reach them than those who do not.  Individuals in business have known this for some time, but who’s to say we can’t apply these same principles to getting our children ready for the challenges of a new school year?

Having a goal-setting session with your child(ren) to reflect on the previous year and then create new goals for the upcoming one is a unique opportunity.  You’ll be surprised what might come out of this conversation.  You might begin with something like, “We are so proud of all you accomplished last year in school.  How did you feel about it?”  Here are some other questions that might help guide your conversation. In general, always start with the positive aspects:

1. What went well last year?
2. What was your favorite aspect of school?
3. What are you most excited about for the upcoming year?
4. What would you like to change or improve upon for the new year?
5. How can we (your family) support you in reaching these goals?
6. What would need to happen for you to be more successful at ________?
7. How do you think your teacher(s) can help support you in reaching your goals?

Clearly, the types of questions you ask and how you frame them will depend on the age of your child.  But in general, it’s a good idea to reflect on the previous year and then create goals for the upcoming one.  This could be as easy as asking questions 1 and 4.  If you want to get very technical, learn about how to set S.M.A.R.T goals (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time Bound)  here.  (This is probably more appropriate for middle and high school students.)

The other critical piece of goal setting is creating a plan for attaining the goal.  The plan can evolve and change, but it’s important to create one so that both you and your child have a sense of what needs to happen.  For example, if your child’s goal is to improve their math grade, they may need to spend additional time with their teacher or get a tutor.  They might also plan on doing their math homework before anything else.  Create a plan that is specific and targeted, then review it weekly or monthly to make necessary changes.  Post these goals in a visible place so that you and your child can see and reference them every day.

Parents can have goals, too!

I know I can improve upon many things (seriously, where do I start??).  So, I’ll be setting some goals for the new school year as well.  Among other things, I want to wake up before my kids and have at least half an hour to myself to have coffee and breakfast.  I’ve never been a morning person, but I’m trying!  I also want to be more healthy about our breakfast offerings so one of my goals is to bake a little more and incorporate items other than toast and Eggo Waffles into our mornings.  (Don’t judge!)  My plan is bake and freeze several items at a time.  But, more on this when we get to meal planning!

I hope this inspires some of you to start thinking about the new school year!  I know year-round school has already started, but it’s never too late to set goals.

Have a great week!

~Maria